Panic

Panic....deep breath....panic....deep breath. For the past eleven years I have studied labor and birth. At first I studied so I could be a well informed consumer and a prepared birther. We took Bradley Childbirth Classes and I read every book on natural childbirth our local public library had to offer. We chose to welcome our Hannah into the world in the comfort of our own home. Over the next several years I completed courses in both childbirth education and professional labor support.

Two years ago the stakes were raised considerably as I began formally training to become a midwife. I have gotten clinical training in both a homebirth and high volume birth center setting. I have spent hours studying and have been called out of bed at all hours of the night. I have completed all the required clinical requirement...in excess (for those who know me well that will cause a smile). :) Now all that work boils down to my ability to pass two test, a skills test and a written test.

Thursday I had the first part of my testing, the practical skills test. The test is sent to a qualified evaluator. She opens it up, administers the test and mails it back, so it will be two weeks before I know the results. During the test I am required to preform certain skills and she makes mysterious marks on a very intimidating clip board.

I have spent the past two days reliving parts of the test in my head. Sam said I was talking in my sleep Thursday night and it sounded like I was preforming midwifery skills. I have moments were I feel as if I probably fared well on the test and should not be worried. Then I had moments were I feel I must have just bombed it and panic about what to it I did not pass. Mostly I have been trying really hard not to think about it at all and have tried to pour myself into other projects.

Besides the up coming births, I will not be doing any more studying until I get an official letter stating I passed. So for now I think we will focus on building a solar oven. It's my way of sneaking some school into the summer break the kids are really enjoying.

Thank you so much to everyone who stopped and prayed for me on Thursday morning, especailly the kids.